The Finding of the Lost in Hyrule!
by queen of the clarinets
Summary: Link and Zelda start a detective business! 6th story up! I know it took me forever...
1. Introductory Chapter

Introductory Chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda. There. Plain and simple.

Please people, have mercy. This is my very first fic, and I like funny stories but I can't really be funny. So you better not be saying something mean. *shakes fist***** Cuz if you are…

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One day, Link gets an idea.

Link: I have an idea!

And a good one at that.

Link: And a good one at that!

So Link goes to the castle to tell Zelda about his idea.

Link: Hey Zelda, I-

Zelda: Now now, Link! (to guards) Have you found him yet?

Guard #1: Princess, it's-

Zelda: SHUT UP AND FIND MY TEDDY BEAR! Ooh… they are gonna be so fired!

Then, Impa walks in.

Impa: Zelda, why are all the guards running through the castle, and why is your teddy bear on your head?

Zelda: Gasp! BOB! THERE YOU ARE! *gives Bob a big hug* I… uh… was… just…. testing! Yeah, that's it! Testing the guards! Seeing if they could find Bob! You stupid guards! Couldn't you see he was right on top of my head?

Guard #1: But, Princess, we tried-

Zelda: SILENCE! I will not tolerate your incompetence!

Guard #2: THAT'S where it was? Wow! I never would've thought to look there!

Zelda: -.-` Anyway… Link, what did you want?

Link: Umm… I had an idea, but I lost it.

Guard #2: Do we have to find THAT now? C'mon boys, let's search for Link's idea!

The guards start running through the castle again, looking for Link's idea.

Zelda: People seem to lose stuff a lot in Hyrule. Hey! We should be detectives! I'm an expert at finding stuff! And you're… Link!

Link: I am?

Zelda: Your treehouse is the perfect place to set up business! Let's go!

So Link and Zelda go to the Kokiri Forest to set up their detective business!

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Ta da! The introduction to my story. I know it was short, but it was to the point. Am I right?

I need a name for the detective business of Link and Zelda. So send in suggestions! 

Hey, you can also send in suggestions for future cases! Just don't be mean, okay? I tried.


	2. Ruto's Pisces Puzzle

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Or the Simpsons. Just for the record.  
  
Ahh, my loyal and faithful readers. *crickets chirping* Darn.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, we find Link and Zelda in the Kokiri Forest, inside Link's house. Link is making a sign, and Zelda is unpacking her… uh… "necessities".  
  
Zelda: And I brought Bob. He can go on the desk. And I brought Pretty Pam, and Beautiful Bella, and Glamorous Gertie, and Gorgeous Gina, and Fairsome Fran, and Comely Connie, and-  
  
Kokiri Girl: Wow! Look at all those dolls!  
  
Zelda: GO GET YOUR OWN, YA MOOCHER!  
  
The Kokiri girl runs away screaming.  
  
Link: How's this? *holds up sign* L.A.Z.D.T.L.F.L.A.O.S.S.H.I.H!  
  
Zelda: What does it stand for?  
  
Link: Link And Zelda Detectives That Look For Lost And/Or Stolen Stuff Here In Hyrule!  
  
Zelda: That's quite an acronym. No… too long… try again.  
  
Link: Darn!  
  
So Link starts painting again.  
  
Then, the mailman comes and delivers a letter.  
  
Link: Hey look! The mailman came and delivered a letter!  
  
Zelda: Let me see! Let me see!  
  
Zelda rips the letter out of Link's hand and reads the mailing address.  
  
Zelda: Oh. It's for you.  
  
Link: Wow! I've never gotten mail before!  
  
Zelda: Hey! Nobody has! Where did you come from, Mr. Mailman?  
  
Mailman: I'm just a figment of your imagination.  
  
The mailman evaporates in that wavy style, you know… and then pops back.  
  
Mailman: But the letter is real.  
  
He goes away again.  
  
Link opens the envelope and reads the letter.  
  
Zelda: Who's it from? Who's it from?  
  
Link: Gasp! Zora's Domain! It's our first case! *reads more and groans*  
  
Zelda: Really? Wow! We haven't officially opened yet. We could make the unlucky Zora wait a few weeks.  
  
Link: Yes! Yes!  
  
Zelda: …No. We will do our duty as detectives and start this case immediately! C'mon, Link!  
  
Link: No! No!  
  
Little does Zelda know that the letter was from an obsessed little Zora named Ruto.  
  
Anyway, so Zelda grabs Link's wrist and drags him out into Hyrule Field.  
  
Zelda: Why do you have to make this so hard?  
  
Link: I'm using nonviolent resistance.  
  
Zelda: Ugh! The idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi.  
  
Link: Who?  
  
Finally, after much toil, Zelda calls some castle guards to drag Link the rest of the way to Zora's Domain.  
  
Zelda: A princess should not have to drag people around!  
  
Guard #1: *whispers to another guard* Yeah, but she sure orders people around!  
  
Zelda: I do not! Shut up and drag the boy!  
  
Guard #1: … (He WAS told to shut up.)  
  
So they reach the entrance to Zora's Domain, and the guards leave. Link finally gets up onto his feet.  
  
Link: Ow… Pain… The ground hurts. Especially the rocky parts.  
  
Zelda: Duh. Now, who could want our help? Is it King Zora? It's King Zora, isn't it? Aha! I knew it! Let's go! He'd get mad if we didn't take this case!  
  
So they walk in.  
  
Link: Uh... Zelda? It's not King Zora.  
  
Zelda: Well then, who!?  
  
Ruto comes running up.  
  
Ruto: Oh Link! I'm so glad you-  
  
Zelda and Ruto: What's SHE doing here?  
  
Woman: I don't know. I'm supposed to be on a tour, but I got lost. Could you tell me where… *looks at map*… Hyrule is?  
  
Link, Zelda, and Ruto: O.o  
  
Woman: Never mind.  
  
The unfamiliar woman walks off.  
  
Ruto: Well, at least that's taken care of. Now, what's Zelda doing here?  
  
Link: Zelda is my partner in crime.  
  
Zelda: No… Link is MY partner in crime.  
  
Ruto: Aren't partners supposed to be equals?  
  
Zelda: No!        

Link: (at the same time as Zelda) Yes!        
  
Oh. Well, I asked for LINK'S help! Not yours!  
  
Zelda: Link and I are in this together! Deal with it!  
  
Ruto: Fine! Link, Something happened to Link! I can't find him!  
  
Link: I'm right here.  
  
Ruto: Not you! My pet fish, Link! He disappeared! I think someone took him!  
  
Zelda: A pet fish named Link. *under her breath* I think someone's a little obsessive.  
  
Ruto: You know what? I think ZELDA took him! She's jealous because I have a fish named after you and she doesn't!  
  
Zelda: If I wanted a fish, I could get one anytime I wanted! And YOU'RE jealous because the closest thing you can get to the real Link is a fish named after him, and you can't even handle that! I'll bet he ran away!  
  
Ruto: Did not! My Linky would never do that! Link, if you were a fish, would you run away from me?  
  
Link: … I'm not going to answer that.  
  
Ruto: No you wouldn't! You would love me and stay here!  
  
Zelda: Listen! I'm with Link, we're in this together, so just show us to the scene of the crime!  
  
Ruto: Make me!  
  
Zelda: Why you little-!  
  
Link: Ruto, show us to the scene of the crime.  
  
Ruto: Okay, Linky!  
  
So Ruto takes them to her "bedroom." Actually, it's just an empty cave-y room with a pool of water in the middle.  
  
Ruto: *points to a far corner* There's where Link was the last time I saw him!  
  
Link: I'm right here.  
  
Zelda: -.-' C'mon, Link. Let's go look.  
  
And so they go look.  
  
Zelda: *gives Link a magnifying glass* Here.  
  
Link: I don't see anything.  
  
Zelda: Link, you're supposed to look through the big glass part.  
  
Link: Oh. Now I see something.  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Link: It's big, and grey, and it looks like a rock.  
  
Zelda: … Link, it IS a rock!  
  
Link: Oh. Hey, I'm good!  
  
Ruto: Find anything?  
  
Zelda: Not yet - Oh wait, here's something! Little puddles of water leading out of the… uh… "room"!  
  
Ruto: *nervously* … Like footprints?  
  
Zelda: Yeah! Hey Ruto! Maybe you can help us!  
  
Link: Or not!  
  
Zelda: Why not? She's a natural.  
  
Ruto: Uh, thanks.  
  
Zelda: So we follow these footprints and…  
  
The watery puddles ended at a wall.  
  
Ruto: Oh yea- I mean, this is where my secret room is! Nobody knows how to get in except me! Hmmm…  
  
Zelda: So how do you open it?  
  
Ruto: It's a voice-activated password. Ahem. (She makes some sort of fish noise, which probably translates into "I love Link," or something similar.)  
  
The door opens.  
  
Zelda: No kidding. Now, to see if Link is in there.  
  
Link: I'm right here.  
  
Zelda: THE FISH, LINK! THE FISH!  
  
Link: Oh, yeah.  
  
They walk into another cave-y place with paintings, portraits, sculptures, and just about every other art form of Link.  
  
Ruto looks at something, gasps, and runs to a door.  
  
Link: What in the-  
  
Ruto: I can ASSURE you that my Linky is NOT in here!  
  
Link: Of course I'm not, I'm right-  
  
Zelda: The fish.  
  
Link: Right.  
  
Zelda: Search for clues.  
  
Link: Well, the puddles lead over to where Ruto is standing.  
  
Ruto: …Oh really? Wow… heh heh… what a coincidence.  
  
Zelda: Move, fish girl.  
  
Ruto: MAKE ME!  
  
Link: Ruto, move.  
  
Ruto: …Uh, okay... Linky.  
  
She moves and opens the door.  
  
Link: Not much in here. A shrine to me, one of my hats, a sapphire, a fish in a jar, my journal, a- Hey! A fish! Of course! *talks to fish* Ruto's looking for something. Do you know where it is?  
  
Zelda: Link! Link is in the jar there!  
  
Link: No I'm not! I'm right here.  
  
Ruto: Wow. You found Link. I mean- You found him! Oh Link!  
  
Link: GAAAHHH!!! *cowers*  
  
Zelda: Now that your fish is found, we must figure out who the culprit is.  
  
Link: I like chocolate.  
  
Zelda: No, culprit.  
  
Link: Coconut too.  
  
Zelda: No, CULPRIT.  
  
Link: No, cow pies are gross!  
  
Zelda: *sigh* Let's see, watery footprints leading into a room only Ruto knows how to enter, and into another room with a shrine of Link that's in the secret room only Ruto knows how to enter... Hmm. Aha! I got it!  
  
Ruto: All right! I admit it! I hid Link so Link could come over here and find him!  
  
Link: You never hid me.  
  
Ruto: It was the only way I could think of to get you to come over!  
  
Zelda: I still had to drag him over here!  
  
Ruto: You never come over, you never call, what am I supposed to think?! I get worried sick over you!  
  
Link: I get sick too.  
  
Ruto: So, I was the one who "stole" Link.  
  
Link: You never stole me.  
  
Zelda: Wow! Really? I was gonna say that some Zora spied on you and found his or her way into your secret room. I never would have thought that you yourself did it!  
  
Link: Case closed. Let's go.  
  
Ruto: See? Linky would never run away from me!  
  
Link: … No comment.  
  
Zelda: Alright. Bye Ruto. See you later. o O (I hope not.)  
  
Link: Hooray!  
  
Link races across Hyrule Field into the Forest.  
  
Zelda: And he made me practically CARRY him across?! Ooo, he is SO fired! I mean, dead!  
  
Zelda walks on to Kokiri Forest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yay! Second chapter done! I'll try to get the third up soon. Please review and tell me what you think!


	3. Ganny's Gerudo Jumble

Hey! All you anonymous peoples out there who read my story! REVIEW!! C'mon, you know you want to!!

Disclaimer: You would know had you read the first two chapters.

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Huzzah! Link and Zelda are back in the Kokiri Forest. Zelda is trying to make room for all her dolls on a shelf, and Link is back to the sign. 

Zelda: Link! Your shelves are too small! Grrr… Fit!

Link: La, la, la…

Zelda: How's the sign coming along?

Link: Sign? What sign? Oh, oh THAT sign… well, um…

Zelda: Let me see!

She shoves Link aside and looks at a painting that looks to be done by a five year-old child. It shows Zelda being eaten by a big… monster… thing.

Zelda: Hey! My eyes are not green! Get it right!

Link: Ok then, to our business!

Link starts on the sign.

Zelda: Okay, everything's unpacked. I get the bed, and you get… the floor.

Link: Mmm hmm.

Then, Ganondorf (Dun dun duuunnnnnnnnnn) runs into the Forest. All the Kokiri shriek in terror and run to the safety of their houses.

Zelda: Did you hear something?

Link: No.

Zelda: Oh. Okay. I'm just going to step outside.

She doesn't step outside, cuz she's a liar! Just kidding! She does. Ha ha. She then sees Ganondorf.

Zelda: Oh my Goddesses! It's Ganondorf! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 

She runs back inside.

Link: What?

Zelda: It's Ganondorf!

Link: Mmm hmm.

Ganondorf: Hi.

Zelda: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: Hey, listen, I-

Zelda: It's Ganondorf! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: No, I don't want-

Zelda: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: HEY! STOP SCREAMING!!!!!

Zelda: … (she stopped)

Ganondorf: I'm in no mood to kill you or Link.

Link: Yeah! Who would finish the sign if I died?

Ganondorf: Kid, you're about as sharp as a marble.

Link: Hey! I'm not a marble!

Ganondorf: -.- Now, I heard about your little detective thing from Ruto, and something very dear to me disappeared.

Zelda: … I don't believe you.

Ganondorf: Why not?

Zelda: …Are you REALLY Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: Yes!

Zelda: Are you sure?

Ganondorf: Yes!

Zelda: Are you positive?

Ganondorf: Yes!

Zelda: Are you positively sure?

Ganondorf: For the last time, yes! I think I would know who I am!

Link: Really?

Ganondorf: How can I prove to you that I am Ganondorf?

Zelda: Well, Ganondorf usually tries to kill me and Link…

Ganondorf: Okay, fine… *grabs a spoon* I'll hurt you good. Feel the wrath of Ganondorf.

Link: AHHHH!!!!!!! *cowers in a corner* Okay, I'll help you, Mr. Ganondorf, sir, just DON'T KILL ME!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Zelda: Okay, that's believable. But how do I know if this isn't another plot to take over the world?

Ganondorf: Just come with me.

So Ganondorf and Link walk along, while Zelda makes Ganondorf carry her, to Gerudo Valley. Then they reach the entrance to the castle place-y fortress thingy. (A/N: I have no idea. I've never gotten there in the game.)

Ganondorf: Hi, fellow Gerudo.

Guard: Who are you?

Ganondorf: It's me, Ganondorf.

Guard: Let's see your Gerudo Membership Card.

Ganondorf: Jeez! Can't you tell who I am WITHOUT my card?!

Guard: Nope. Now let's see it.

Ganondorf: See? Even if I wanted to take over the world right now, I can't get in to my office! Somebody stole my Gerudo Membership Card!

Zelda: How do you know you didn't misplace it?

Ganondorf: I haven't misplaced it for 23 years!

Zelda: Okay, okay, where were you when you noticed that it was gone?

Ganondorf: I was right here, trying to get in!

Zelda: That's not going to work. Where were you during the course of that day?

Ganondorf: Let's see, I went over to Death Mountain to have a cup of tea with Darunia, then I headed over to Zora's Domain for lunch cuz they have the best fish I've ever tasted. Um, and I went to Lon-Lon Ranch to scare their cattle for the fun of it.

Zelda: That means we have to check ALL those places?

Ganondorf: I guess so. You should've thought of that when you became detectives.

Zelda: Oh well. Off to Death Mountain!

Once again, Ganondorf carries Zelda, while Link walks, to Death Mountain and Goron City.

Darunia: Hello, Brother!

Link: Who's he talking to?

Zelda: You!

Link: I'm not your brother. I'm not even part Goron.

Darunia: Remember the Stone?

Link: Oh yeah.

Zelda: Darunia, if you don't mind, we're going to have to search your room.

Darunia: What for?

Link: Ganondorf misplaced his Gerudo Membership Card.

Ganondorf: I did not! Someone stole it!

Link: Whatever you say, Ganny.

Ganondorf: And don't call me Ganny!

Link and Zelda waltz into Darunia's room without letting him answer, and when they stop dancing, they start rummaging through everything.

Link: I found a rock!

Zelda: Not again…

When everything had been moved, pushed, pulled, and turned over, Zelda and Link conclude that the card is not here.

Zelda: The card isn't here.

Link: It's not? Darn.

Zelda: Oh well. Off to Zora's Domain!

Link: What?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

So Ganondorf now has to carry Zelda AND drag Link to Zora's Domain. Poor Ganny.

Ganondorf: Hey!

Sorry; poor, POOR Ganny.

Ganondorf: That's better. And don't call me Ganny!

And so they reach Zora's Domain.

Ruto: Link! You're back! With Zelda. And Ganondorf.

Link: I'm here on official business, Ruto. 

Ruto: That's nice, I guess…

Zelda: Ruto, have you seen a little card that says "Gerudo Membership Card" on it?

Ruto: If I did, why would I tell you?

Zelda: Aha! Admit it! YOU'RE the one who stole it, just like you stole Link!

Link: Ruto didn't steal me, I'm right-

Zelda: Shh, Link! I'm on to something here!

Ruto: I did not!

Zelda: Did too!

Ruto: Did not!

Zelda: Did too!

Ruto: Did not!

Zelda: Did t-

Ganondorf: *quickly* Uh, on second thought, I was never here on the day my card was stolen, so let's get going now. Bye Ruto!

Ganondorf, carrying Zelda, is running as fast as he can, but that can never compare to how fast Link ran. But, by habit, Link ran to the Forest.

In the Forest.

Link: Whew! I'm glad that's over!

Then, Link gets a letter!

Link: Wow! I got a letter! Hmm… It says, "Get your butt over to the ranch right this minute. Love, Zelda and Ganny." 

So Link goes to Lon-Lon Ranch.

Zelda: WHY did you run to the Forest?

Link: Did I?

Ganondorf: Okay, let's look around.

Zelda: Okay. Where were you?

Ganondorf: I was in that place with all the cows and that freaky guy with the white overalls.

Zelda: The barn?

Ganondorf: Yeah!

Zelda: Let's go.

Link: Where?

Zelda doesn't hear him and walks into the barn, followed by Ganondorf.

Link: Where are we going? Agh! A cucco! Wait for me!

Link runs inside the barn, and crashes into Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: Ow!

Link: Sorry, Ganny.

Ganondorf: AND DON'T CALL ME GANNY!

Zelda: Okay, what were you doing in here?

Ganondorf: I was scaring the cows.

Zelda: Was anyone else in here?

Ganondorf: Well, I saw the weird guy leave before I went in, and I saw Malon at one point or another, but she quickly ran off, as if she wanted to get away with something.

Link: Hmm…

Zelda: Hmm…

Ganondorf: Don't you guys think that's a little suspicious?

Link and Zelda: What's suspicious?

Ganondorf: The day my membership card gets stolen Malon runs out of the barn quickly, and after that I couldn't find it?

Link: What about it?

Ganondorf: It's suspicious.

Link: What's suspicious?

Ganondorf: Never mind. Hey! Let's go to the Gerudo Valley again!

Zelda: Okay.

Link: But I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and my feet hurt…

So Ganondorf has to carry Link AND Zelda to the fortress thingy.

Guard: Let's see your Gerudo Membership Card.

Ganondorf: Link, don't you have one?

Link: One what?

Ganondorf: A Gerudo Membership Card.

Link: What about it?

Ganondorf: Don't you have one?

Link: One what?

Ganondorf: A Gerudo Membership Card.

Link: What about it?

Ganondorf: -.-'

Zelda reaches in Link's pocket (Does Link HAVE a pocket?) and pulls out his wallet. She then starts going through all of his membership cards.

Zelda: Let's see here… Losers Anonymous, I Hate Ruto Club, Save the Trees… Ah! Here it is! Gerudo Membership Card!

Link: Oh, that! Yeah, I have that.

So all three get inside now.

Zelda: Now what do we do?

Link: Let's frolic through the halls!

So Link frolics through the halls.

After a while, Link finds a little person with a white dress and a Ganondorf mask.

Link: Hi, Ganondorf! Boy you got smaller! C'mon, we have to go find Zelda!

Link grabs "Ganondorf's" wrist, and frolics to where Ganondorf and Zelda are.

Link: Look Ganny! I found you!

Ganondorf: That's not me! AND DON'T CALL ME GANNY!

Link: If YOU'RE Ganondorf, then who's this?

Zelda pulls off the mask and reveals… MALON?!

Ganondorf: Of course. The clues point to it.

Oh. Yeah.

Malon: Hi!

Zelda: What are you doing here, and where did you get the Ganondorf mask?

Link: Yeah! I want one of those!

Malon: I got the mask at the Happy Mask Shop! They have those there now. And I'm here because I want to be a Gerudo thief when I grow up! I don't want to be Ingo's slave on the ranch!

Zelda: Oh. 

Ganondorf: How did you get in here?

Malon: I stole your card, and bought a mask, and everybody thought I was you! It was funny!

Ganondorf: Well, I'll consider letting you be a thief if you give me my card back, okay?

Malon: Okay! 

Malon gives the card back.

Zelda: Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought.

Link: I'm hungry.

Zelda: Me too. Ice cream!

Link and Zelda run to Hyrule Castle to get ice cream because there is no ice cream in the Kokiri Forest.

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Yahoo! Me be done! I had a little trouble with this one. I changed it like 3 times! Oh well. I've already started the next one, and I hope you like!

Don't forget to review!


	4. Impa's Hair Whodunit

Hey! Another "adventure" for Zelda and Link! What's the matter? Do you not like my story? 

Disclaimer: If you read, you would know.

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Link and Zelda are now at Hyrule Castle, eating ice cream.

Zelda: Mmm… ^.^ Cookie dough…

Link: Mmm… ^.^ Tuna…

Zelda: O.o

Link: What?

Zelda: Never mind.

Link: Okay, but I sure do love tuna ice cream!

Then, Impa comes running in the dining room with a bandanna covering her head so that her hair isn't visible.

Zelda: Why do you have that bandanna covering your head?

Impa: Because my hair isn't… its usual color.

Link: But silver isn't a usual hair color.

Impa: … Never mind. Look, you two have a detective business, right?

Zelda and Link: Right…

Impa: And something of mine is missing. Come to my room.

Link: But I wanna finish my tuna ice cream!

Zelda: Can't you be NORMAL, and eat NORMAL flavored ice cream?

Link: No…

So they go to Impa's room.

Impa: I wanted to come to the privacy of my room so no one could see.

Link: Aaah! What are you going to do? Please don't hurt me!

Impa: No, Link. 

Impa takes off the bandanna, revealing her hair. It is a bright pink color with silver tips.

Link: Your hair… it's poofy! Like an afro!

Impa: It is not poofy!

Link: Then what's wrong?

Impa: What, you can't tell?

Zelda: It looks different, but I can't quite put my finger on it. 

Impa: It's PINK for crying out loud! 

Zelda: So was it a hair dying gone wrong?

Impa: No, the opposite. This is my natural hair color!

Link: Haha! It's just a wig! Watch! 

Link jumps on Impa and tugs at her hair.

Link: Ugh! Why… won't… you… come… off?

Impa: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP IT!

Link: Haha. Sorry.

Impa: I usually dye my hair silver. I can't find my silver hair dye, though!

Zelda: So, do you think someone stole it?

Impa: Why would anyone want to steal silver hair dye?

Link: To dye their hair, duh!

Impa: Never mind. I don't know if someone stole it or not, I just want it back!

Zelda: Can't you just go to the store and buy more?

Impa: No! It's WAY too expensive!

Zelda: Then what do you do when you run out?

Link: Duh! She… Yeah, what DO you do?

Impa: Listen, I buy it when I run out, but I can't spend a lot of money buying silver hair dye every other day.

Link: Yeah, she's right, ya know.

Zelda: *annoyed* Yes Link, I know.

Impa: Now will you help me?

Zelda: Sure! Okay Impa, where do you remember seeing it last?

Impa: I just used it two weeks ago, and I set it on the counter there.

Zelda: Okay! Let's just see… Hmm… I'm not finding anything.

Impa: Isn't that a clue there?

Zelda: Where?

Impa: Right there! The silver spots leading out of the room?

Zelda: Oh. Yeah, I guess that COULD be a clue…

Impa: Zelda, maybe you should consider something else instead of being a detective…

Zelda: WHAT?! And give up my natural talent of detective…ism?

Impa: *sighs, shakes her head*

Link: Ooooo… Look! Silver spots! Pretty…

Impa: What do you say we follow them?

Link: Pretty…

Zelda: Okay!

So Impa and Zelda follow the trail of silver spots, while Link sits there staring at them.

Zelda: Link! Come on!

Link: What? Huh?

Zelda: Come on!

Link: Okay!

So Link comes out of his trance and follows Impa and Zelda.

Zelda: So the trail leads to… aha! I'll bet right behind this door is the thief's hideout!

Impa: Zelda, it's the bathroom.

Link: Wow… I've never heard of a thief hiding out in a bathroom before…

Zelda: Let's investigate!

They open the door, and the silver hair dye is sitting on the counter.

Impa: My dye!

Zelda: Amazing… The thief was very intelligent indeed… Who would've ever thought of us checking in Impa's bathroom!

Link: Hey! You have pink hair!

Zelda: A very observant remark, Link! Now, to find out who did this…

Impa: I remember now!

Zelda: What? Who took it?

Link: Why is your hair pink?

Impa: Last time I dyed my hair, I walked into this bathroom, and I guess I set it down here!

Link: Not again!

Zelda: You mean… YOU stole your hair dye?

Impa: No! I just lost it! 

Zelda: Then what're the silver spots on the floor?

Impa: My hair must've dripped.

Zelda: Then… Link, were there any more clues?

Link: What about… *reaches into his pocket, pulls out a marble* THIS?

Zelda: Aha! What about that?

Impa: That had nothing to do with anything.

Link: Oh. *puts the marble back in his pocket*

Zelda: Well, another case solved by ME, Zelda!

Link: Hey!

Zelda: With a little help from Link.

Impa: Are you sure you want to do detective stuff? Remember the incident with Bob?

Zelda: I told you, I was testing the guards! They couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on a heel!

Link: Wow! I'm gonna try that! *runs off*

Zelda: I hope he's going to the forest…

And they're off!

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Hey, c'mon guys (and gals), Review! Tell me what you think! No flaming, though. And I still can't decide on a name for their detective business! REVIEW!! 


	5. Nabooru's Gem Crisis

Hi!! Finally, I got around to making another chapter!! I'm sorry if it's not like the other chapters, it HAS been months since I've posted the last one. Hope you still like though! Review and let me know!! 

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So anyway, Link and Zelda were… at the treehouse. 

Zelda was yelling at carpenters. She decided to add a master bedroom to the treehouse.

Head Carpenter: But Princess, there's no way to support the bedroom!

Zelda: Yes there is! Build it and see!

HC: No there's not!

Zelda: *points to Head Carpenter* OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!

*nothing happens*

Zelda: Okay then… umm… I'll give you money!

HC: Kid, you're supposed to give us money anyway.

Zelda: WHAT!?!? I never agreed to this! And you will address me as Zelda, Daughter of King… um… hey, does anyone know my dad's name?

Audience: *shakes heads*

Zelda: Alright. You will address me as Zelda, Daughter of King of Hyrule, Princess of Hyrule!

HC: … Okay then.

Link: Oh boy! I've always wanted a balcony!

Zelda: Not a balcony! A master bedroom! It's going to have a walk-in closet, and a big master bath, and…

HC: WHAT?! You never mentioned that before!

Zelda: … I could've sworn I did… *scratches her head*

HC: No, we're just going to build an extra room, Zelda, Daughter of King of Hyrule, Princess of Hyrule.

Zelda: No no no! It's Zelda, Daughter of King-

Then, a Gerudo lady comes running up.

Gerudo: Neeg gam moof da uff raiel!

Zelda: What kinda foreign language is that?

Gerudo: Fozzy… *swallows* Ahh… what a yummy sandwich… mmm… pickle and liver, my favorite! Anyway, I'm here for Nabooru.

Link: Who's Nabooru?

Gerudo: I think she's Gannondorf's girlfriend.

Zelda: Aha! I knew it!

Gerudo: Yeah, she told me to come here and find two kids and bring them back to her. Have you seen any kids around here?

Link: No we haven't.

Gerudo: Darn.

Link: Have you checked in the Lost Woods?

Gerudo: No, I'll do that. Thanks anyway!

HC: Hey kid! Got any chewed gum we could use to hold things together?

Link: Nope, sorry. Have you checked in the Lost Woods?

Gerudo: "Kid"? … Well, you're close enough to kids, so come with me.

Zelda: Make me!

Gerudo: What do I have to do to get you to come?

Zelda: I want a BIG feast held in my honor when we get there!

Gerudo: How about a Rubik's Cube? *holds a Rubik's Cube out*

Zelda: Whee! *grabs the cube* These things are so fun!

And they walk to Gerudo Valley, with the Rubik's Cube twisting and turning… twisting and turning… twisting and turning…. *drools* … in Zelda's hands. And then they arrive, and there's much rejoicing (yay).

Gerudo: Here we are.

Zelda: *grunt* Jeez, these things are so hard to solve! *twists and turns the Rubik's Cube some more*

Link: Yay! … Um, why are we here?

Gerudo: Well, you see… umm… *scratches head, looks at the beginning of the chapter* Oh yeah! Nabooru wanted to see you.

Link: Who's Nabooru?

Gerudo: I think she's Ganondorf's girlfriend.

Link: Oh.

The Gerudo leads them to Nabooru's room in the Gerudo Fortress. Nabooru is pacing across the room.

Nabooru: Good, Missa! You brought them! Link! Zelda! I really need to talk to you.

Zelda: Not now, I'm almost done. *makes one more twist* Aha! Solved it! *holds up the Rubik's Cube, even more messed up than it was when the Gerudo gave it to her*

Nabooru: Hey! Is that my Rubik's Cube? I've been looking everywhere for it! *snatches it*

Zelda: Hey!

Nabooru: Listen, you're detectives. Something of mine was stolen from me.

Link: Found it! *takes the Rubik's Cube from Nabooru, then gives it right back to her*

Nabooru: Not that! My jewel!

Zelda: Your what?

Nabooru: Jewel! Jewel!! The one that went in my hair! The big ruby-like one.

Zelda: And what about it?

Nabooru. It was stolen.

Zelda: What was stolen?

Nabooru: My jewel!

Zelda: And what abo-

Link: I have a jewel! *pulls out a red rupee* Is this it?

Nabooru: No… *sigh*

Link: Hey look! It's a green belt!

Nabooru: Who's is it?

Link: Looks like Mido's… this could only mean one thing!

Zelda: What?

Link: Someone must've kidnapped Mido and then came here to steal your dog!

Nabooru: It's my jewel that was stolen!

Link: *ponders*

Zelda: Look what I found! *picks up a piece of paper*

Nabooru: Hmm… *takes paper from Zelda* "Dear pretty Gerudo lady, I have stolen your jewel. From…" something's scratched out here, then it's signed, "Anonymous".

Link: *looks at paper* That looks like Mido's handwriting! This could only mean one thing…

Nabooru: What?

Link: The kidnapper/thief must've forced Mido to write the note! 

Zelda: Link, have you ever thought that maybe MIDO IS THE CULPRIT?!

Link: … Nope.

Zelda: C'mon!

And Zelda leads them back to the Kokiri Forest.

Zelda: Okay, Link. Where does Mido live?

Link: This way! *leads them to the treehouse*

HC (remember him from the beginning of the chapter?): Glad you're back. Listen, we tried to build your extra room, but it just wouldn't stay.

Zelda: WHAT?! How dare you! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

*nothing happens*

Zelda: Rats… fine then! Be gone! And stay out of my castle!

Nabooru: I thought we were in the Kokiri Forest.

Link: Heh heh… Kokiri…

Zelda: Hey Link! There's Mido! Over there! *points*

Nabooru: Hey you! C'mere!

Mido: Whaddaya want? *tries to hide the huge jewel behind his back, but it's plainly obvious he has it*

Zelda: I think you have something that belongs to this Gerudo.

Mido: No I don't. *looks around nervously*

Link: Oh, you don't? Rats…

Nabooru: *walks up behind Mido and snatches the jewel* Aha!

Mido: *sobbing* No! I was going to give that to Saria!

Zelda: Dude, face the facts. Saria won't like you no matter how many presents you give her.

Mido: *sticks fingers in his ears* NO! I'M NOT LISTENING LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA-

Zelda: Mido, where did you get the jewel?

Mido: LA LA LA LA LA LA-

Zelda: *slaps Mido*

Mido: Ow! Alright, I admit it. I stole the jewel! I went right into the Gerudo fortress and stole it right out of this lady's hair!

Link: If you're a Kokiri, then how'd you leave the Forest and get the jewel?

Everybody: …

Audience: … 

*"Twilight Zone" music*

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Another case "solved"! I hope y'all are happy… cuz I am!! WAHOO!!! *runs around* Review! And I promise that I won't ever threaten to take it down again…

REVIEW!!


	6. Mido's Missing Maiden

A/N: Alright, let's see if I still got my touch. Tell me if it's funny, alrighty? AHEM… review!

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To continue where we left off… 

Mido: Fine! Be that way! You big meanies! *runs off like a little girl, crying*

Link: … Okaaaaaaaaaay…

Zelda: …

Nabooru: Uh, well… thanks for helping me.

Link: You're welcome! *gives Nabooru a big hug*

Mido: *sneaks up behind Nabooru and takes the jewel again* 

Zelda: Hey!

Nabooru: Don't worry about it. I always keep a spare! *takes a gem from… somewhere and places it in her ponytail*

Zelda: *glares*

Nabooru exits the forest, leaving Link and Zelda alone.

Zelda: Now what?

Link: *shrugs*

Link and Zelda sit on the grass for a few minutes, bored out of their minds (sounds a lot like me… heh heh) until Mido comes running up to them.

Mido: *still holding the jewel* You guys!

Zelda: *stands up* HEY! I am not a guy!

Mido: Sorry… You… guy and girl! You gotta help me!

Zelda: What now, Manny?

Mido: My name is Mido… and I can't find Saria! 

Link: GASP! Saria's… dead? *throws his hands up in the air dramatically* Oh Saria! I hardly knew ye!

Zelda: Mido didn't say she was DEAD, Link! She's just "missing".

Link: *stands up* Oh, right.

Zelda: Alright. Let's get looking! Link, you go search the Lost Woods for any clues pertaining to Saria's whereabouts! I'll look around her house.

Link: Aye aye! *salutes* Um… the Lost what?

Zelda: Woods, Woods, WOODS!

Link: What about the woods?

Zelda: Go look for Saria in the Lost Woods!

Link: But they're dangerous! I could get lost! And how am I supposed to know where Saria is in there?

Mido: Oh puLEEZE! I've seen you go in there a million times! You know she's always in that secret spot by the Forest Temple- uh… that I'm… not… supposed to… know… about…

Link: *smiles a little bit* Oh yeah! I DO know where to go, don't I? 

Zelda: Okay, then GO!

Link: Aye aye! *salutes, then goes*

They meet back in front of the treehouse.

Zelda: So Link, was she there?

Link: Was who there?

Zelda: Saria!

Link: Was she where?

Zelda: In the Lost Woods!

Link: … Who?

Mido: WHERE'S SARIA!?

Link: Jeez, calm down, Mickey.

Mido: It's Mido!

Link: Sorry.

Zelda: So was SARIA in the LOST WOODS?

Link: Nope. But I did find a clue! *holds out a piece of paper* 

Zelda: And…

Link:… And what?

Zelda: What does it say?

Link: I don't know… it's in some sort of code… *sets the paper down on a tree stump*

Zelda: Let's see it.

Piece of paper (not aloud, of course):

Link,

I'm not here because I'm hiding from Mido. I'll be in your treehouse.

Love, Saria

Zelda: … Code?

Link: *nods* Mido must be a codename for… Darunia! And "treehouse" must mean "Hyrule Castle"! And "hiding from" actually stands for "secretly in love with"! And "Link" is-

Zelda: LINK IS YOU! Link, the message is perfectly clear!

Link: I know! Saria is in love with Darunia, so she's at the castle.

Mido: Saria's at the castle?

Zelda: No, Murray…

Mido: MIDO!

Zelda: Don't call me Mido! I'm Zelda!

Mido: No, I'M Mido!

Zelda: I know that! What do you think I am, stupid?

Mido: … no comment.

Link: So, it's on to Hyrule Castle!

Zelda: Saria's not in Hyrule Castle, Link! She's in your treehouse!

Link: … I have a treehouse? Whoa!

Zelda: Hellooooo? It's right there! *points to the treehouse right beside them*

Link: *runs to the bottom of the ladder and stares up* Wow… this is awesome!

Zelda: Climb up the ladder.

Mido: Hey you guy- … and girl! Where's Saria?

Link: Maggie, I don't know…

Mido: It's Mido, Mido, MIDO!

Link: Sorry, Mido, Mido, MIDO.

Zelda: *sighs* She's in the treehouse. Link, climb up!

Link: Aye aye! *salutes and climbs, followed by Zelda and Mildred- I mean, Mido* 

Saria: Hey, Link! See you got my no- AH! MIDO! What are you doing here?

Mido: Saria! Thank the goddesses I found you! 

Zelda: We found her. Happy now, Mipsy?

Mido: *is too happy to notice* Oh Saria! I was so worried! I thought you got eaten by… the Deku Tree or something!

Saria: *shoots a funny look to Link and Zelda*

Link: Wait… Marklar's in love with Saria, but Saria's in love with Ganondorf… 

Zelda: Saria's not in love with Ganondorf!

Link: You're right! She's in love with Darunia!

Mido: Gasp! Saria, is this true? Do you really like that rock guy?

Saria: No…

Mido: Ah, that's a relief. Saria, I have som- *looks at his hands* Wait… where's the jewel?

Link and Zelda look out the window to see a shadowy figure that looks strangely like Nabooru running out of the forest. They hear something that sounds eerily like an evil laugh.

Mido: Aw, drat it all! That was a really good present too!

Saria: Aw, jeez. Looks like you're gonna have to go home now.

Zelda: Tough luck, Moopa.

Mido: Mido! *sadly makes his way out of the treehouse and to his home*

Saria: Phew!

Link: Another case solved. But Saria, why did you leave that boggling note?

Saria: Boggling?

Link: Yeah. Why did you lead us to Hyrule Castle?

Zelda: Hey Link, how about some ice cream?

Link: O_O… ^_^ Got any tuna flavored?

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	7. Zora's Unfound Fish

A/N: Alrighty, I know it's been several years since I updated (not too much of an exaggeration, mind you… okay, but it feels like forever!). So here is my attempt at a new and humorous chapter. 

As a side note, I also revised previous chapters. Didn't change any of the content, just spelling and grammar stuff. Because even I (yes, I know… me, the school spelling bee champion of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade) don't catch all my mistakes.

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Link and Zelda are back at Hyrule Castle (yet again), eating ice cream.

Link: No!

Actually, it's more like Zelda's eating ice cream and Link's throwing a fit.

Zelda: C'mon, Link! Chocolate's just as good a flavor as any!

Link: I refuse to eat this pile of mud!

Zelda: *rolls her eyes* I swear, sometimes you act like a baby.

Suddenly, (dun dun duuuuunnnnn) they hear a bump at the front door.

Zelda: GASP! Did something just hit the door? *starts crying* Guards! Guards! The door! The door!

Guards: *open the door*

In rolls a rock of bluish whitish color, and a piece of paper pops out of the middle.

Link: *grabs the paper*

Zelda: Well? What does it say?

Link: It says: *struggling* "Tall… muh… hor… wuh… wuh… blook."

Zelda: What? *takes the paper* It says, "water please."

Link: Darn! So close, too!

Zelda: So… the rock… wants… water?

Paper #2: Yes.

Link: Well, you heard the man- err… yeah. *claps his hands* Guards, get 'im some water, chop chop!

Guards: *head to the kitchen*

Zelda: Since when are you supposed to listen to him!?

Guards: *stop*

Zelda: Now… get the rock some water!

Guards: *sigh and roll their eyes, and bring back a glass of water*

Link pours the water on the rock, which immediately starts to turn fleshier and more… like a Zora. 

Link: Wow! It's like one of those things that you soak in a bucket of water, and it inflates! *pokes the now fully grown Zora*

Zora: Ow! Hey! Don't do that!

Zelda: GASP! Who are you?

Zora: My name is Bob.

Link: Bob… that's an interesting name…

Bob: You makin' fun of my name? *tears well*

Zelda: Of course he wasn't-

Bob: *crying* No, go on! After all, I should be used to it by now! When I was in school, the other kids called me names like Bobby and Bert… and even Robert! 

Zelda: Oh, you poor thing…

Bob: *nods*

Link: What exactly are you, anyway?

Bob: I'm a Zora!

Link: Like Zora the Explorer?

Zora the Explorer: Hola! Let's go on an adventure!

Bob: Funny, one would think you'd know that, considering your relationship with Princess Ruto…

Link: *plugs his ears* NO! NO! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA…

Zelda: *whispering* It would be best if you never mentioned that name again… 

Bob: I see…

Zelda: *taps Link on the shoulder* Well, Bob, what are you here for?

Bob: Oh! Right! I have a message from King Zora. *pulls out yet another piece of paper (from where you ask? Use your imagination)* "Please please please please please help me. Something of mine was stolen. Love, King Zora."

Zelda: Well, Linky, ol' boy, duty calls.

Link: Yeah… but that means going back to Zora's Domain?

Zelda: Yeah… your point?

Link: RUTO!

Zelda: Oh… right. Well, what would you rather do? Do a good deed and help out King Zora, or sit here in the castle, good-deed-less?

Link:… good-deed-less. Castle. Definitely.

Zelda: Oh, come on! *convinces Bob to drag Link to Zora's Domain*

They arrive at Zora's Domain.

Zelda: Alrighty, where is this "King Zora" you speak of?

Bob: Follow me. *starts walking along the path to the King's chamber*

Link: *clings to Zelda* She's close… I can feel her presence…

Zelda: Her presence…? *looks around*

Link: What? Presents? Where?

Ruto: *jumps out from behind a pillar* Hi! Gasp! Linky! 

Bob: *bows down* Princess Ruto!

Zelda: *looks semi-confused* Princess Ruto?

Link: *eyes widen in terror* Princess Ruto!

Ruto: Bob! Thanks for bringing them here! Now go make me a sandwich! Tuna… and hold the bread.

Bob: *rolls his eyes, then nods* Yes, your highness. *leaves*

Ruto: *takes Link's arm in hers* I'll take you to my father's chambers. Oh, it's so great to have you here. Now if only _she_ weren't…

Zelda: WHAT did you say?

Ruto: Nothing! But between you and me, Linky-poo, she's nothing but a brat princess.

Zelda: You know, Ruto, I can hear you.

Ruto: Oh… Well, I'll be sure to insult you away from your eavesdropping ears, then.

Zelda: And she says _I'm_ the brat princess.

Ruto: But anyway, my father lost something very valuable to the entire Zora. And he didn't know about your little detective thing before… Guess how he found out!

Link: *silently crying*

Ruto: I told him! I recounted to him the tale of my lost Linky, and he decided that you were the right man for the job! Isn't it wonderful?

Zelda: Ahem, as I recall, you yourself hid Link in your secret cave place.

Link: But I'm-

Zelda: Fish.

Link: Oh yeah.

Ruto: You big liar meanie! I did not! You stole him!

Zelda: C'mon, Ruto! You admitted it yourself! 

Ruto: I'm not talking to you anymore!

They finally arrive in King Zora's chambers.

Ruto: Father, Link is here!

King Zora: Ah, Link! You're here! Thank the goddesses!

Zelda: I'm here, too!

King Zora: Who are you?

Link: She's my partner.

Zelda: Link's MY partner.

King Zora: I see… Well, can't help to have more people on the job! But anyway, I need your help.

Zelda: We know…

King Zora: We are in dire need of it. 

Zelda: Yes…

King Zora: As soon as possible.

Zelda: WITH WHAT!?!?!?

King Zora: O.O

Ruto: Daddy?

King Zora: O.O

Ruto: Look what you did to my dad, Zelda! You're going to pay for that one! Linky! I'm assigning you to this case alone. Zelda's off the job!

Zelda: What? You can't do that to me!__

Ruto: I can't?

Zelda: That's right… because… I'm… er…

King Zora: Lord Jabu-Jabu is gone!

Link: What?

Ruto: Oh, my dear father, you're alright! Okay Zelly, you're back on the job.

Zelda: Zelly?  O.o

Link: *makes disgusted face* I remember Jabu-Jabu…

Ruto: *dreamily* Yes, me too… and you rescued me from that horrible monster in his belly… Oh Link, you were so brave!

Zelda: Wait… Isn't Jabu-Jabu that big fish in your pond out back?

King Zora: *nods*

Zelda: How do you lose a huge fish like that?!

Link: Actually, Lord Jabu-Jabu is a whale. And whales aren't fish, they're mammals.

Everyone: *stares*

Link: What?

Zelda: Okay, Your Majesty! We're on the case! 

Zelda and Link head out into the pond in the back. (I think that's what it's called. Haven't played the game for a LONG time…)

Link: *rubs his hands together* Okay, now to find Jabu-Jabu…

Zelda: Link… Lord Jabu-Jabu is right there. *points to the extremely large whale that is right where he always was and always should be… right behind the convenient little podium that is there*

Link: Oh. Yippee! Case solved! Now to figure out who the culprit is…

Zelda: Link, if Jabu-Jabu is here, that means that he's not lost.

Link: Right… 

Zelda: So if he's not lost, and he's right where he should be, do you think he was stolen?

Link: Oh, I get it! The thief is hiding in the water! *watches water* Must be one heck of a breath-holder.

Zelda: No, Link! What I'm saying is I don't think-

Link: Oh no! He can't be hiding out inside Jabu-Jabu! No! No! No!

Zelda: LINK! Jabu-Jabu was never stolen in the first place! We have to go talk to King Zora!

So they run back into King Zora's chambers. When Ruto saw them coming back, she squealed with delight.

Ruto: SQUEAL!! (that's all you're getting from me)

King Zora: Ruto! Are you alright?

Zelda: King Zora, your Majesty… did you even check to see if Jabu-Jabu was there?

King Zora: Indeed I did! And he was gone! As a matter of fact, the entire pond was gone!

Zelda: How…?

King Zora: It was all just a big, black, empty space.

Zelda: And Ruto, you didn't check?

Ruto: Why should I? My father never lies! His word is law! We cannot doubt him!

Zelda: I see… Okay. King Zora, I think your eyesight-

King Zora: Nonsense! My eyesight is fine! I can see my dear Ruto perfectly. She's standing right over there! *points to the wall of the room opposite to where Ruto is standing*

Ruto: Huh?

Zelda: Ruto, your father is going blind.

Ruto: How dare you say that! Blasphemy!

Some Zora guards appear and grab Zelda:

Ruto: By order of Princess Ruto, you, Zelda, are hereby banished from Zora's Domain!

Zelda: What-

She is taken away.

Ruto: Finally. We can be alone, Link… my darling.

Link: *running out of Zora's Domain* Sorry can't have to go get lunch but maybe some other time bye!

Link finds Zelda glaring at the guards now posted at the entrance.

Zelda: That evil little fish! I'd like to give her a kick in the pectoral fin!

Link: Wait, does this mean we never have to come back.

Zelda: Yes… until I find a way to sneak past the guards! Muahahahaha… That'll show her…

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And so ends another chapter. Please review!


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